so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
