So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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