Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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