Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
