Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
