JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
