my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
