i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
