I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
