is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
