then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
