we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
