I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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