The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
