if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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