i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
