I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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