no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
