Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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