Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
