This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
