I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
