i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
