Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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