There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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