WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
