grandma shit on top of the toilet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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