If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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