they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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