Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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