i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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