Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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