Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
