yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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