i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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