Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
