i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
