Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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