I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
