bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
