Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
