these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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