Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
