i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
