I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want nice things and good sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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