i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
