im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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