side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
