saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
