Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
