I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
